There Are No Bad Parts — Why Your “Sabotaging” Side Might Actually Be Trying to Save You

We’ve all had those moments where we think, “Why did I say that?”, “Why did I shut down again?”, or “Why can’t I just stop doing this?” It’s easy to get frustrated with ourselves, especially with the parts of us that seem to sabotage progress, ruin relationships, or make choices we regret. But what if those parts aren’t bad at all?

What if they’re doing exactly what they were designed to do—protect you?

The Truth About Survival Parts

In trauma-informed therapy and internal work like EMDR and parts work (IFS), there’s a guiding principle:
There are no bad parts.

The parts of you that feel angry, anxious, controlling, avoidant, or self-critical aren’t broken. They’re survival parts. They developed in response to past pain, rejection, or danger. And even if their behavior is outdated or harmful now, their intention is still rooted in protection.

Common Survival Parts You Might Recognize

• The People-Pleaser: Grew up fearing rejection or conflict, so it learned to keep the peace by ignoring its own needs.

• The Perfectionist: Learned that mistakes weren’t safe, so it tries to control everything to avoid criticism or shame.

• The Numb-er: Avoids feeling pain through food, alcohol, TV, or scrolling—because feeling was once too overwhelming.

• The Exploder: Developed a sharp tongue or a quick temper because it was the only way to be heard or defend itself.

• The Isolator: Withdraws from connection because trusting others once led to deep hurt.

Sound familiar?

Why These Parts Take Over?

When you’re triggered, overwhelmed, or in emotional danger, these parts can step in and hijack your system. That’s not a sign of weakness—it’s a sign that a younger part of you is still doing its job, even if it’s no longer needed in the same way.

If these parts are misunderstood, shamed, or pushed away, they don’t disappear. They linger in the background—waiting for a moment of vulnerability to take over.

The Shift: From Judgment to Curiosity

Healing doesn’t come from silencing or battling your survival parts. It comes from listening to them, understanding their role, and gently updating the story.

Ask yourself:

• What is this part trying to protect me from?

• How old does this part feel?

• What would help it feel safe now?

When you approach your inner world with compassion instead of criticism, you become the leader your system has been waiting for.

You Don’t Have to Be at War With Yourself

The goal isn’t to get rid of your parts.

It’s to create an internal relationship where all parts feel seen, valued, and led by a grounded, compassionate core—you.

So next time you catch yourself spiraling or shutting down, pause and take a breath. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?”, ask “Which part of me is showing up, and what does it need?”

That’s where the real healing begins.

You are not broken. You are beautifully complex. And every part of you has a reason it exists.
It’s time to stop fighting yourself—and start leading with compassion.